Published on August 20th, 2012 | by tomkolovos0
BREAKING: Todd Akin to join BRAVO’s “The GOP Housewives of Mylanta” series
Just when you thought reality television had gone far enough with it’s fascination with trashy bimbos, Bravo announced today that it will be bringing us “reality television sure to make you sick to your stomach.”
Meet the newest political Bravolebrities:
Ann D. Romney: mother of 5, owner of 2 Cadillacs and 6 homes one dressage horse and Multiple Sclerosis. “Big Ang” known on the show for her ability to whine and dine, complains she’s always being picked on by others, considers herself “not wealthy” and counts her charitable donations as part of her income tax rate. Odd choice for a reality show since she complains that “we’ve given all you people need to know.” Her husband has taken more positions publicly than the are listed in the Kama Sutra.
Jan Brewer: Republican Arizona Governor, a fixture in Spanish language media, adamant about making sure all Latino voters migrate exclusively to the Democratic party; armed and dangerous.
Michele Bachmann: Minnesota Congresswoman convinced that Hillary Clinton’s top aide Huma Abedin is an agent of the Muslim Brotherhood. McCarthy tactics are her specialty and we don’t mean Mellisa McCarthy in “Bridesmaids.” Loves a good shooting at a Sikh temple. Also a homophobe cruelly clueless she’s married to a gay man.
Betty Douglas: Paul Ryan’s 78-year-old snowbird mom who spends part of the year in Florida’s Lauderdale-by-the-Sea. Wacky Wisconsin gal who unwittingly gave birth to a right wing extremist. Or is she*? Image via Daily Beast
Todd Akin: Missouri Republican Senate candidate who justifies his opposition to abortion even in the case of rape thusly: “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” He’s a surprise choice not because he’s a man but because he’s apparently a fertility expert as well. “I know this for a fact because that’s how my wife and I have practiced birth control for decades.” He’ll be seen on the show counseling women on all facets of pregnancy. *Akin was Paul Ryan’s co-sponsor on a House bill just last year banning the use of federal funds for abortion except in cases of “forcible rape.”
Will he diagnose himself with cerebral Paulsie on the show? Watch and find out on “The GOP Housewives of Mylanta” this Fall on Bravo.
Tom Kolovos is EIC of aControlledSubstance.com