Anderson Cooper 180: Syndicated daytime talk show “Anderson” finally comes out
Image via New York Times
EDITOR’S NOTE: Originally posted 9/13/11
“Before you get all judgemental,” he interrupts “my mother had her name plastered on every woman’s ass in the 70′s and early 80′s.”
His mother of course is Gloria Vanderbilt, and yes, she did sell an eponymous line of wildly profitable jeans during that time.
Anderson Cooper is getting a bit tired, it seems, of people implying that starting a daytime talk show betrays the journalistic gravitas he built up at CNN, let alone the Vanderbilt name.
“All I want is what my mother and grandfather wanted. Money. And lots of it.
“If interviewing Snooki and the Housewives will get me more money than the paltry $10 million CNN pays me to go to frickin’ hell holes like Lybia and Egypt, I say bring it on. You know there was no place to work out in Lybia? I totally missed chest and triceps one day.”
Mr. Cooper stands to make hundreds of millions a year if his new talk show succeeds in capturing Oprah Winfrey’s former demographic, now that Ms. Winfrey herself has failed to capture it on her cable network OWN.
“Besides, I’m way to hot to be on cable. Cable is for people who have a face for radioactivity.”
“Even if I make half of what Oprah Winfrey pulled in before she went to cable, that’s a heck of a lot better than having to risk my life and waste this pretty face and buffed up bod reporting in a haz mat suit from some nuclear no man’s land.”
Speaking of no man’s land, we asked if, like Oprah, he will be increasingly forced to address the open secret that he’s gay. Mr. Cooper was uncharacteristically coy.
“Secret? Look, the real secret is that everyone wants me on their home team. So it’s much better to let the speculation go on and on and on. I’m more authentic–and more marketable to a wider demographic– like that. That’s what I bring to the table. Authenticity. And sixpack abs.”
Aside from the money and the mindless subject matter, what other changes can we expect from Anderson on “Anderson?”
“I don’t know if you’d call this a change, so much as an expansion of of my trademark journalistic style. You know how I get all self indignant but personally wounded so it looks like I’m asking something deeply probing and I mesmerize you into thinking I know something you don’t? Well, more of that but now with a level of highbrow superiority that makes you think I finally unlock the mystery that is Snooki or suicide. Or whatever interview Dr. Phil isn’t man enough to admit he payed for.”
For this more casual format does he plan, we wondered, to eschew jackets and ties for those famous tight t-shirts? He demures.
“Perhaps. Perhaps. Look, at the end of the day, all a guy like me wants is what made my mother happy: a pair of jeans that make your ass look great and a versatile top.”
Tom Kolovos is Editor in Chief of aControlledSubstance.com
Related Posts
“Substance isn’t sexy”: ABC’s PAN AM for DUMMIES video →
NBC to relaunch disappointing “Nate Berkus Show” as “Vajazzling with Nate” →
Femme Fatale: Britney Spears "live" on Good Morning America →
We have entered into another realm of media expansion, responsibility, and classification. If Anderson brings the same degree of integrity to his daytime syndicated show as he does/did to his correspondence reporting, then ALL THE BETTER. I think that he definitely will, and unlike Oprah he will not seek ‘gurudom”.
I just watched my first “Anderson” show in which he interviewed his friend Sarah Jessica Parker about her new movie. What was quite interesting was that he tried to bring some sort of investigative journalism cred to what amounts to a horrible pseudo feminist film and he let SJP essentially do an infomercial about what a great human being she is. (Question: How do you know it’s horrible movie? Answer: SJP is in it.)
It was insufferable television except for the fact that he threw in some personal anecdotes about his youth that were quite amusing. He’s good at pretending the fluff he’s “covering” is real news. The trouble is THAT really diminishes our capacity to take him seriously –or have any valid way of distinguishing–what is fluff and what is hard news.
Did I mention he played a game with SJP and audience members which included a Maonolo Blahnik show giveaway? Perhaps that’s the other realm to which you are referring?
Call me old fashioned, but you either do news or not. If you do both–or a game show like Meridith Viera, to pay the bills–you loose ALL credibility, as you’re laughing all the way to the bank.
This is just “Extra,” only hosted by Anderson Cooper. And that is in no way a compliment to Anderson Cooper or to serious journalism!
What’s next? Christiane Amanpour on “The Bachlorette?” HOLD ON, don’t steal that. I need to call some gay “execs” over at Bravo. THAT’S A GOLDMINE IDEA!
If you’re interested in the review of the SJP movie with which Anderson wasted a whole hour of his and our time:
http://movies.nytimes.com/2011/09/16/movies/i-dont-know-how-she-does-it-review.html?ref=movies
“A Big Twist in a Career, but Not Quite a 360″
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/17/arts/television/anderson-cooper-gets-personal-on-new-talk-show.html?_r=1