Published on May 30th, 2012 | by tomkolovos6
MORE FAGS, MORE FUN (The Vaticant Stop Us Now)
Update: Originally published 11/28/09 and is being dragged out of the archives in honor of Gay Days in Orlando and the Vatican’s harassment of American nuns. For the uninitiated, the post gets its title from the Six Flags ad campaign “More flags, more fun.” By the way, aren’t Vatican and scandal synonyms? Enjoy.
I’m pretty sure the Catholic Church doesn’t like gay people because in its experience gay people are a pain in the ass. Sort of how Mary Stuart (Queen of Scots) must have felt about Queen Elizabeth I.
Given that Jesus said not a single word in the Bible about homosexuality, the utter contempt that the Catholic hierarchy has for gays is in large part understandable because it is informed by its perverse experience of conflating homosexuality with the rampant unchecked pedophilia in its ranks and the laundry list of sins committed in the still persistent cover up.
In the movie “Heathers,” when Winona Ryder is asked point blank “why are you such a bitch?” the only possible answer is “because I can be.” You can’t imagine what a terrorist bitch the Catholic Church is in the lives of gay people. Consider, for example, the complicated dance between the Catholic Church and the breakaway factions of the Anglican Church (Episcopalians in the US), a dance which began back when Henry XIII picked a little fight with the Vatican over some women and their inability to produce little boy babies.
This week, the Pope and the entire Catholic hierarchy, which has been/ still is pardoning and harboring child molesters in its ranks for God only knows how long, is now openly accepting disgruntled homophobic married Anglicans priests and their congregations who object to such 21st century nonsense as openly gay or female clergy and gay civil unions (and let’s not forget condoms) into the Catholic fold.
(I left the Anglican Church and all I got was this lousy T-shirt: YOU HATE GAY PEOPLE? WELCOME. PSSSST: AND IF YOU WANNA F**K SOME LITTLE BOYS TOO, NO PROBLEM! We’ve got a primo 9 year old or two with the body of 7 a year old. Right this way.)
This move, while characteristically reactionary, is not altogether unfathomable since historically the Church hasn’t exactly been in the vanguard of human rights or anything that might be called progress. Western history of the last 500 years can plausibly be seen as one giant bitch slap to the Vatican.
When you consider that Martin Luther declared “every man his own priest” and led the Protestant Reformation which gave rise to the political theory of John Locke which led to the Declaration of Independence, the much vaunted Vatican II did nothing more than bring the Catholic Church straight into the 16th century.
Homosexuality, thus understood, is understandably a pain the ass. So what could possibly be wrong with something to ease the pain? Think of homophobia as the Catholic Church’s answer to universal health care. Happy gay people and openly gay clergy? Not in this 16th century or any other.
Hey Ben, you don’t know what fun is until you’ve been bumping and grinding on a dance floor at MGM studios, as you look up to the heavens and see Kitty Meow, Chyna Girl and Power lip synch to the throbbing techno beat remix of Mary Mary’s spiritual “Shackles” (“take the shackles off my feet so I can dance, I just wanna praise You”) and doing scissor kicks, each on a 3 story cherry picker, while climactically strategic fireworks explode behind the Magic Kingdom. Unspeakable joy!
While the world has changed enough that gay tattooed love boys can be found partying and tripping on the dance floor to the drum and base beat (shirtless and flaunting their six packs, great America) at Gay Days, you don’t have to be Einstein, baby, to see that Pope Ben is flipping out.
Benedict XVI (or as he will properly be known in American human rights circles, Benedict Arnold II) is guilt tripping on internalized self loathing and bumping and grinding to the drumbeat of the ideology of the Nazi party of his youth. “No blacks no Jews and no gays.” No if and or but for the grace of God there go I.
But what do I know? I’m just a boy standing in front of a Pope asking him to love me. ( I’ll follow you around until you love me, Papa, Papanazi.)
Good thing I refuse to kneel.
Catholic Cardinal Authorized $20K To Pay Off Pedophile Priests, Then Railed Against ‘Immorality’ Of Gay Marriage
By Igor Volsky on May 31, 2012 at 12:02 pm